Coping With Hard Transitions
Originally published July 5, 2021
When I left active duty Air Force in 2019, I assumed I was turning the page towards an exciting new chapter in my life. While I had so many fond memories in the Air Force, the last 3 years were completely depleting, and I was left 20 pounds overweight, stressed, depressed and ready for a change. I’ve always loved the idea of a fresh start and would welcome the chance every 2-3 years to move to a new base and start a new job with new people. Fresh starts are just that – refreshing. So I only assumed that when I left, this would be the ultimate fresh start. I would lose the weight quickly, get back to “my old self” and start again.
The next couple of years, instead of bouncing right back, I found myself floundering. I do not believe it was due to my transition back to civilian life. My free-spirited ways never allowed me to exactly embody military culture. While many vets experience difficulties during this transition, I don’t believe that was me. Instead, my chronic and severe insomnia dictated much of my experience.
I was able to “cure” myself of my insomnia right as I would face the most lifechanging transition of all – becoming a new mumma. At first, feelings of shock shared space in my brain with the excitement, next feelings of overwhelm, and finally, I think I’m just excited now.
But there was a question that still needed to be answered. Who am I? I’m not an Officer in the Air Force (at least not full time), I’m not in my pre-med program anymore, I’m not teaching yoga right now, I’m not competing in triathlon. The more and more I read about what to expect when you’re expecting is how hard it’s going to be. The sleepless nights and time investing in your new baby is no joke. Where did that leave time for me to be me? To be somebody? Anybody? Ultimately, I decided to let go of the doctor path. I find it’s hard to let go of parts of myself in order to make space for this new role. Why is it so hard to relinquish certain identities? But I literally cannot do it all. At least not all at once. So I make peace with this new path, I let go of the other parts of me. Maybe they will reemerge later in life. Maybe they are dead forever and new buds will push through the soil. For now, I shift my focus to my new role – just a mumma 🤗